you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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