What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
