dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
