Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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