Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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