So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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