I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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