He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
