If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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