Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
