Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
