Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
