3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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