I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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