everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize