i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
