I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
