She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
