just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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