Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
