Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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