i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
