You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
