can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
