Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
