i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
