She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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