Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
