so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
