So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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