Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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