That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
