oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
too bad you live with your parents still
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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