I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
