at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
