what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
