I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
