I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
