remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
