she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
