people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
