i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
