We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
