Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Enjoy the penises
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
