next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
