Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
