gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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