In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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