She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
