he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
