I love black thongs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
