He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
