My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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