I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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