the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
