Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize