Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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