I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
