Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
