"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
