Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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