he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
