Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
