The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
