Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
