What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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