she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
