Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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