All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
