she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
