You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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