Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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