my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
