Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
either way he was missing a nipple.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
