i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
