meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
