I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
