dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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