Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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