youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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