oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
